sense making in an indifferent universe

on the heels of sandy hook
we stare into the universe, searching
for a cosmic answer, a shred of truth why
such horror exists in our world

we lie awake at night, hugging our pillow
wishing the world’s senselessness would end
and a predictable world, shaped by our good intentions
would overtake the universe’s insufferable indifference

no parent wants their child ripped from their arms
no mother wants her son to murder other children
yet these things happen–not for any higher purpose
but in an absolute sense everything is born, everything dies

these are harsh realities everywhere–
not just in newtown,
but also in littleton, aurora, chardon, tucson, harlem, watts, london, kabul–
because we struggle against the universe’s indifference

we are defenseless against the indifferent unknown
though we create probabilities through science
we are defenseless against heartbreak and suffering
though we believe, cleanse ourselves through religion

we rail against the world’s insanity and inhumanity
we beg for peace among all people, despite their differences
we cry out at night for justice–
anything but the universe’s intolerable indifference

sandy hook didn’t have to happen, but it did
our hearts break to see the faces of those taken
what happened was unfathomably senseless, yet
it will happen again, and again, because…

all things are a part of the same–
the good, the bad, even the unknown and unjudged–
all parts of an unmeasurable indifferent universe, which
we create moment by moment, breath by breath

we despise our cosmic indifference, especially
when our hearts are full and overflowing
but with all our differences, even our similarities
the universe can be nothing but indifferent

each of us wants the world to share our purpose–
to reflect our hopes, dreams, and aspirations
sometimes we get lucky and it does, and
often and sadly it doesn’t

so when i ask myself why god permits atrocities–
like those at sandy hook, and many other places
i try to remind myself that god doesn’t take sides
and in all fairness, the universe must be indifferent

we have a choice how we live
how we treat ourselves and others
but there are no guarantees how it all turns out
because in all fairness, the universe must be indifferent

unopened christmas presents in newtown

soon it will be christmas–
so many unopened presents
under the darkened trees in the homes
of those massacred at sandy hook elementary

soon it will be christmas–
a time we all become children
but not those who lost their loved ones
whose hearts break tenderly

soon it will be christmas–
you wonder where they’ll find the strength
to light their evergreen trees, dare look
at the empty stockings with names by the chimney

soon it will be christmas–
a time for birth, hope for eternity
yet so many lives prematurely ended
because of everyday insanity

soon it will be christmas
so much innocence lost in sheer moments
something the world must remember–
longer than last rites at the cemetery

soon it will be christmas
a special time to remember
why shines the star
atop every christmas tree